Ryo and PG's Sick LOTR story...thing
by Ryo
Summary: this's the same story as is on PG's account...but we both wrote it so I thought it should be on my account too.


Intro: This story is dumb…and stuff. If we offend you with this story, too bad. This is for entertainment. We are NOT implying that the actual actors are like this, but the CHARACTERS they play. Also, no matter how many times we ask Santa, these characters do not belong to us (especially Legolas and Strider) Cleared up? Good.  
  
1 Jenn and Sara's Weird LOTR Story  
  
By of course, Jenn and Sara  
  
  
  
In a big clearing are our characters. We don't really know WHY they're there, but that aint important (we believe they were dropped there when a time-space dimension portal thingy opened up for no apparent reason when they were about to be slaughtered by orcs.).  
  
Merry: Where are we?  
  
  
  
Strider: dunno  
  
  
  
Legolas: I think we're in the middle of a large clearing after a time- space dimension portal thingy opened up for no apparent reason when we were about to be slaughtered by orcs…  
  
  
  
Sam: That's complicated…my head hurts…  
  
  
  
Gandalf: EVERYTHING is complicated to you!  
  
  
  
Pippin: *with hornyness*…which head?  
  
  
  
Sam: both  
  
  
  
Strider: *sarcasticly* oh yeah, we REALLY needed to know THAT.  
  
  
  
Merry: um…is there anything me and Pippin can help you with?  
  
  
  
Sam: …I guess  
  
  
  
Legolas: oh god…I didn't know that you…were…  
  
  
  
Strider: …gay.  
  
  
  
Frodo: *surprised* I didn't know either…  
  
  
  
Gandalf: I guess they landed on their heads….*looks down*  
  
  
  
Legolas: …what?  
  
  
  
Gandalf: …I landed on my head too  
  
  
  
Sauruman: I offer my hand to help.  
  
  
  
Strider & Legolas: …  
  
  
  
Merry: We'll try to help you too, Gandalf  
  
  
  
Gandalf: Thank you very much, Merry. I'd like that.  
  
  
  
Frodo: …*staring* oh my god…  
  
  
  
Sam: Master Frodo, will you join us in helping Gandalf?  
  
  
  
Frodo: No thank you…  
  
  
  
Bilbo: *running up* I will! I will!  
  
  
  
Legolas: 4 hobbits and 2 old guys?!  
  
  
  
Strider: a 6-some…  
  
  
  
Legolas: I really needed that mental picture…  
  
  
  
Frodo: Uncle? Sam?! Pippin?!! Merry?!!! GANDALF?!?! …Sauruman?  
  
  
  
Strider: Nasty picture, aint it?  
  
  
  
Frodo: Hell ya.  
  
  
  
Legolas: Is EVERYONE gay here?! .  
  
  
  
Strider: Everyone but you, me, and Frodo.  
  
  
  
Gandalf: Come, come! I know you want me!  
  
  
  
Strider & Legolas & Frodo: …no…  
  
  
  
Sam: Come join us in our…merry-making  
  
  
  
Merry: But what if one of us gets stuck?  
  
  
  
Sam: Don't worry; Gandalf will make it smaller so it'll slip out easily.  
  
  
  
Strider: *blinks* …ewww.  
  
  
  
Then Sam, Merry, Pippin, Gandalf, Bilbo, and Sauruman started screwing. Legolas, Strider and Frodo are not. They're getting very sick. Then, the time-space dimension portal thingy opened up and Arwen and Galadriel fell out.  
  
  
  
Arwen: What happened…?  
  
  
  
Galadriel: I don't know…I was just about to screw Elrond…  
  
  
  
Arwen: Why screw him when I'm here?  
  
  
  
Strider: What. The. Fuck. Ing. Hell?  
  
  
  
Legolas: And THEY didn't fall on their heads!  
  
  
  
Frodo: ...they have heads?  
  
  
  
The three straight dudes stare at Arwen and Galadriel.  
  
  
  
Galadriel: …ok, I admit it…I got Gandalf to turn me into a woman.  
  
  
  
Legolas: …you mean your parents NAMED you Galadriel when you were a guy?!  
  
  
  
Galadriel: *looks down at her feet, then looks at Legolas* yes.  
  
  
  
Frodo: Sucks to be you.  
  
  
  
Strider: *starting to feel uncomfortable* …  
  
  
  
Legolas: *snickering*  
  
  
  
Strider: Shut up, ear boy.  
  
  
  
Legolas: Make me, grimy!  
  
  
  
Arwen: Make love, not hate!  
  
  
  
Legolas & Strider: *blinkblink*  
  
  
  
Frodo: You go on ahead and do that, Arwen…  
  
  
  
Arwen: Of course, lets go to somewhere where we can't be found, Galadriel! *runs off*  
  
  
  
Galadriel: *giggles and follows*  
  
  
  
Legolas: …damn…that's scary man…  
  
  
  
Merry: OW! Sam that's too far!!  
  
  
  
Sam: Gandalf pushed me too hard!  
  
  
  
Gandalf: …Sorry, but an old man's gotta have some fun  
  
  
  
Legolas: *turning away* Say, Strider, Frodo, wanna go getta beer?  
  
  
  
Strider: Sure  
  
  
  
Frodo: Ok  
  
  
  
Pippin: *glomps Frodo* I'm horny, I need you here!  
  
  
  
Frodo: *screams and runs around in circles* GET OFFA MEEEE!!!  
  
  
  
Legolas and Strider are walking away. Frodo has fallen down with Pippin on top of him.  
  
  
  
Frodo: *pleading* Guys! Help me!!  
  
  
  
Sam: I'll help! *jumps on Frodo*  
  
  
  
Legolas & Strider: *stare at him*  
  
  
  
Strider: Their your problem now!  
  
  
  
The last they see of Frodo is him struggling to free himself from 4 scantily dressed (or not at all) dressed hobbits and 2 old men with whips.  
  
  
  
Frodo: AAAHH-*eyes suddenly get wide* oo…that's not pleasant…  
  
  
  
Sam: I'm makin' it as pleasant as I can, sir!  
  
  
  
Strider: …how 'bout that beer, Legolas?  
  
  
  
Legolas: yeah…  
  
  
  
Frodo: WAIT!! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!!  
  
  
  
Legolas: But…we hafta go drink beer and other alcoholic beverages and screw chicks.  
  
  
  
Strider: *dumb smile* fuuun…  
  
  
  
Frodo: Take me with you!!  
  
  
  
Legolas: Sorry, but your too short.  
  
  
  
Frodo: But…but…its as long as a rope!  
  
  
  
Strider: *rolls his eyes* oh right…whatever  
  
  
  
Legolas: We don't believe you.  
  
  
  
Merry: I believe you, Frodo!  
  
  
  
Frodo: AAAHHH!!!  
  
  
  
Legolas: Bye! Have fun!  
  
  
  
Strider and Legolas walk away. Frodo is left being helplessly screwed and whipped by other hobbits and old men. And Arwen and Galadriel went off to…have fun, and where never seen again. But, sometimes, when your in Mirkwood, you can hear a faint giggling in the wind.  
  
  
  
I think that was supposed to sound mysterious and stuff…*blank look* oh yeah! Legolas and Strider got drunk and…well, there were a lot less virgins in the world the next morning. They had many kin.  
  
  
  
  
  
END!!!!!  
  
  
  
Strider: wheeee…fun! 


End file.
